


Hold on me

by LeeHyunjin



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:20:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29540874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeeHyunjin/pseuds/LeeHyunjin
Summary: Just hold on meI'm there when you need meI'm there to wipe your tears awayNothing is as bad for an idol as the hatred of the fans.  Felix has been struggling with rumors and mean comments for quite a while.  But he doesn't tell anyone, not even his boyfriend.  The shame is great and the fear that Hyunjin might see him as a failure and weakling and leave him even more.  But no secret stays secret forever.A Hyunlix oneshot
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix
Comments: 1
Kudos: 41





	Hold on me

It was night and nothing could be heard in the Stray Kids Dorm. No laughing or chattering, as was customary during the day and not surprising with eight guys. They were long in their beds and slept soundly. The day had been exhausting enough, they had started shooting a new MV. It started early in the morning and didn't end until late in the evening. And yet a lot still had to be improved and changed. Text passages and the choreography were not yet right in some places and Chan also wanted to talk to the stylists about her styling. All in all a part of their normal everyday life since they became a band. But as much as they were used to this stress, they needed their rest and their sleep. However, both have recently become in short supply. They left the dorm sleepless and hardly recovered, and they returned in exactly the same way. Coffee and energy drinks had become an integral part of their menu, and in some cases these drinks even replaced meals. Not a healthy life, but they knew what to expect when they signed their contracts. But despite everything, they had grown together into a family that stood up for one another and kept one another on their feet. Deep friendship accompanied them on their way together. But with some of them it didn't stop there.

It came quietly and secretly, none of them had expected it, and yet it had struck like lightning, and in no time friends became lovers. They stood together from the start, and even threatened to leave the band if their feelings towards one another were not accepted. But their worries were largely unfounded, their relationship was well received by their band members and their friends supported them from the start. But then the management asked to make their relationship public at a press conference. In Korea it wasn't exactly welcome when two men were a couple, but it was widely accepted.

But since that interview, hell opened up. Since this interview, Felix had to endure hateful comments, sometimes even death threats. He should keep his hands off Hyunjin. The best thing he can do is finish what he started years ago and do it right this time. He was a scrap, too disgusting and inferior to be on a par with the handsome rapper.

In the beginning Felix tried to ignore these comments and to concentrate on the band and Hyunjin. But the tirades of hate got worse each time, and more and more destroyed his already barely existing self-confidence. And at some point he began to believe it. Self-doubt gnawed at him and self-loathing spread like a cancer in him. He knew he had to talk. He had to talk, cry and scream these negative thoughts and feelings from his soul.

But Felix smiled. He put on his pretty, carefree mask, continued to do his best for Stray Kids and literally showered Hyunjin with his love. The Australian knew that the taller one loved him unconditionally, that he would do anything for him. And that's why Hyunjin was never allowed to learn anything about this cyberbullying and certainly not about all the negative feelings and bad thoughts that raged in Felix. The Australian was a good actor, he led them all by the nose for many months. But as was customary for any theater performance, the curtain closed that evening.

Felix had waited until Hyunjin fell asleep. He smiled slightly and gently brushed a blonde strand from the rapper's soft face, then he breathed a kiss on his lips and carefully sat up. The Australian did not want to wake Hyunjin under any circumstances, he should sleep to recharge his batteries. Felix himself couldn't sleep. Too much haunted his head, he just couldn't calm down.

He crept out of their common room on bare feet and closed the door behind him as quietly as possible to finally pound into the living room. He flopped on the couch and finally stared at the cell phone in his hands. Felix wasn't stupid, he knew that he should ignore these people, that he was just messing himself up and giving them what they wanted. But he couldn't help it.

With his lips pressed together, Felix unlocked the phone and went to his Instagram profile. He sighed tremulously when he saw the countless notifications and messages he had received. Of course, not all of them were bad, many supported him. But he felt that the hatred and the contempt prevailed. He scanned the news, it was almost always the same. From the usual verbal abuse to tips on how best to kill himself, everything was there. Felix gave a trembling sigh and swallowed the lump in his throat, then turned to the notifications.

skz_stay has tagged you on a picture

Felix raised an eyebrow in confusion and opened the picture. A fatal mistake, as it turned out. It was a picture of himself and Hyunjin, but he himself had been terribly distorted. And the text under the photomontage was the culmination of everything he had to endure so far.

Felix, you ugly bitch, I hope you see this. Look how ugly you are, how weird. And our poor Hyunnie has to do this to himself all day. I'm so sorry for him. But, you know what? Hyunjin doesn't love you! I have no idea what ridden him, he must have felt sorry because nobody wants you anyway. Why don't you just do him a favor and cut yourself to death, huh? Think he's gonna have a party when he can't put up with you anymore xDDD

Felix's lips began to tremble and his eyes burned. Those words hurt so much, hurt so infinitely. They were even worse, more hurtful than anything he had heard before. And if that hadn't been enough, the comments would add the rest. There were so many who agreed and made fun of him.

He gave a little sob and felt the first tears roll down his cheeks. He knew it, he knew too well that he wasn't good enough for Hyunjin. Why did they have to tell him that over and over again?

Suddenly the light went on and Felix was so startled that he gave a short scream and looked at the living room door with wide eyes. Hyunjin stood with tousled hair and sleepy eyes. At another point in time, Felix would have found this sight incredibly sweet. But he was just miles away from that. Panic rose in him. What in the world was the taller one doing here? He had just slept!

"Baby, what are you doing here? I've searched after you ....." Felix could literally see how all the spirits in Hyunjin were suddenly awakened. The blond's eyes widened and no matter what the Australian tried, he couldn't get his mask on. The show was over.

"Shit, Felix, what happened ?!" In no time at all, Hyunjin was standing in front of the sofa, sank down next to the Australian on the couch and gently cupped his face with his hands. His beautiful eyes stared at him with concern. Felix knew there was no going back. His boyfriend, his adored Hyunjin, had seen him in his depressed mode. And he wanted answers, the Australian could literally smell that.

But his voice didn't obey him. He couldn't utter a single word. He looked at Hyunjin sadly, then bowed his head and finally held his cell phone in front of the older man's nose. Felix felt how Hyunjin's hands slowly moved away from his face and the cell phone was taken from his hand.

The minutes of waiting for a reaction from the blonde were unbearable. Felix's heart hit his throat. Why was Hyunjin making it so difficult for him? Why didn't he just break up? He was such a crybaby, such a weak ...

Felix never got around to thinking this thought through to the end. He felt an increasing weight on his lap and how a warm body leaned against him, how slender arms wrapped around his neck. Felix blinked in confusion and hesitantly returned his boyfriend's hug. What was going on now?

"Lixie, just so you know one thing, I'm with you because I love you. Because you're a wonderful, unique person. Because you make me incredibly happy and give me strength. Not out of pity, I'm not that person . These bastards are just looking for a victim they can kill. And believe me, as soon as they lose their interest in you, it's one of us. ", Hyunjin whispered, whereupon Felix just hugged him even more. The mere thought that they would treat his love like that was too much for the Australian.

He heard Hyunjin sigh softly and looked at him. Liquid caramel looked at him, so soft and warm that he had to swallow. Hyunjin was beautiful, both inside and out. And just one look in his eyes broke the resistance in the Australian.

"I'm just scared, Hyunnie ... afraid that you will think I'm a failure, a weakling and that I'll lose you ...", he finally explained, whereupon the blonde put a hand on his cheek. As a reflex, Felix leaned against his cool fingers. It felt so nice.

"You are not a failure. If you ask me, you are one of the most professional musicians I know. I remember how difficult it was at the beginning. And I also remember how persistently you pushed your way through. So after it doesn't look like a failure. And a weakling? Then what am I? I'm scared of my own shadow, I'll die a thousand deaths if I just poke my little finger somewhere and I cry at Disney films. So please. " Hyunjin made a face. That and his words made Felix laugh. And it was good. However the blonde did it, the Australian was a little better. But it wasn't the end of the road.

Felix knew that he would have to struggle with self-doubt for a long time to come. There will still be moments when the fear of losing Hyunjin or being kicked out of Stray Kids will drive him crazy. And there will always be people who will try to send him mentally through hell. But he has someone who holds his hand, will not let go of him and will walk this path with him. And that is the most important.

The End


End file.
